but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
