i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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