Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
