Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
