you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
