Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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