i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
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why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So apparently I’m into choking now
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