i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the room spins SO much faster in panama
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
