He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
