I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
