I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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