4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
