So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So much rum. So many feels.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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