My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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