do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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