The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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