a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
