I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
