Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize