you mean i was at the winter classic?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
