remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
