wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
