yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
