Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
