I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
