My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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