Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
