remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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