Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
