You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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