A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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