i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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