Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
this hospital has no fireball
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
