If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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