Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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