just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
