how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
