So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
