Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
did i just pee glitter
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
