Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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