ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
