I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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