very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
