The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
