I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
