Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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