i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
