Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
