My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
