So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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