And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
