I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
