There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
