ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
