Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
