So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just invented taco cereal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Randomize
