Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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