Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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