at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
