I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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