Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
