I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
