This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
