hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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