I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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